My personal opinion of United States social security and the stimulus package

RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE

The Official 2 days late Super Bowl prediction

Well everyone, the big day is finally here two days ago. So before it's too late, it's time to give you all my official prediction for what we're about to have already seen.

In one corner, we have the 14-2 Colts, quarterbacked by the unstoppable and possible demi-god Peyton Manning, who was begotten from his father Archie Manning, descended onto Earth inside of a humble stable/hospital and chosen by a bright star in the north to lead the football team of Indianapolis.

In the other corner, we have the 13-3 Saints, an entity from the deep south, in a city devastated and in ruins from the raucous partying they've done throughout the centuries. Some say even looking at New Orleans turns you into a pillar of salt.

Such a matchup hath been foretold.

In the beginning, there shall be singing by heavenly choirs and a beautiful angel (who some refer to as Carrie Underwood) to announce the impending struggle that will be decided on the field of Miami. Machine-like birds of war will fly in formation overhead to signal the beginning the conflict, which will begin with a single piece of metal being flung in the air to decide who makes the first move.

At first, Manning will drive back the opposition, gaining a clear and complete advantage against the Saints and converting many towards his side very rapidly. He will be called one of the great leaders of our time and will change the way we think of quarterbacks. His followers will be many.

But the draw of the Saints will become stronger, as many were predisposed and accustomed to being on their side from the beginning. The great Manning and the Colts will do their best to hold onto their message and lead, but over time, the brutality and punishing ferocity of the Saints will grab hold of the unholy struggle for mankind's future (A.K.A. the Vince Lombardi Trophy).

Mr. Manning will do his best to fight the demons that lay before him, but in the end the masses will be too much against him. His best effort to save Indianapolis will end with a final stake being driven into his heart for roughly 74 yards.

(Dramatization)

But, all hope is not lost our friends.. for it has been written that 3 seasons from now, Manning will rise once again, to lead the Colts to the promised land.

Final predicted score: Saints 31, Colts 17. Longshot, I know.

Go in peace.

It's kinda like Robinson Crusoe, except nothing like Robinson Crusoe.

Holy shit. Well, I planned on writing a new entry yesterday, but that became impossible due to the fact that we had no power in our house for the entire day after Jack Frost decided to just up and jizz all over the entire city of Pittsburgh.

Our whole house was fucked, no electricity, no heat, not even any water pressure! Nothing will put you in a worse mood than waking up several hours before you intend to due to being cold, being able to see your breath in your own damn kitchen and being told that you can't even go to the bathroom. I'd have been less upset if I woke up to find that one of my testicles had packed a suitcase and moved to California.

Naturally, my roommates and I used a lighter to ignite our stove and huddled around it to keep warm, and then made a family packet of macaroni and cheese. After this, we packed our shit up and abandoned the place to stay at our other friend's house in the meantime. Then we (mostly me actually) did the only sensible thing to deal with all this shit, and took a little old-fashioned style medicine.

If it's good enough for hairy, agitated Siberian hitmen who die in their early 30's, then it's good enough for me.

After drinking massive quantities for hours on end, I somehow managed to lose my wallet for what is probably at least the eighty-third time in the last year or so. Furious, I drank a little more to help solve the problem, and right before it was luckily found underneath a chair I decided to set out on the streets to interrogate each and every person in the city of Pittsburgh about the whereabouts of it. God bless the brilliancy you inspire, Mr. Impaler. Closed out the night watching the greatest movie ever created. Toxic Avenger IV. I'm not kidding, go watch it. Your life will never be the same.

Well, it's about time to have some beers, it is a Sunday after all.

Anybody got a bagel with cream cheese on them? I'll pay you for that shit.

Christians, the second coming has occurred. Jews, your Messiah has finally arrived.

I want you to take a good, long look at this man.

This is Nick Nolte, and it's about damn time everyone starts appreciating how badass this motherfucker is. You ever heard of Cape Fear? Badass movie, I don't give a damn that it was a remake from the Gregory Peck version (who is also badass), if you haven't seen it yet then go see it right now, I don't care how you do it, just get that shit done.

Now, let me just say that I personally have experience in knowing the awesomeness of this man; last summer I was an extra in the soon to be Oscar winning film called Warrior, which I'm sure will gross at LEAST 600 billion dollars. Mr. Nolte does it all, he's drunk in public all the damn time to the point that he needs to ask people he's never met for buckets just to withhold the possible puke he may soon produce, he hits on women young enough to be his granddaughter with a magnificent display of complete indifference, and he wears a damn fine yellow jacket.

Some may point to the fact that he's been arrested for drunk driving as a reason that he's not that good of a guy, and certainly not a holy being of any sort. Well, to that I say, let he who hath never sinned cast the first stone. Everyone makes mistakes. Even Jesus didn't get everything right Himself... during a dinner party he turned water into wine. Fuck that, he should've turned that shit into Pabst Blue Ribbon!

If anyone needs any further proof of how awesome Nick Nolte is, look no further than the DUI report that he was charged with. Tests that he took afterwards said that he was under the influence of date rape drugs at the time, to which he responded that he "has been taking it for four years and never been raped." Warrior. Champion. Nolte.

It's gonna be a great damn day

Now listen carefully, and as soon as I say when I want you to do exactly the following:

Close your eyes and fold your hands together. Think about the last day you had that was as close to perfect as you've ever had, a day where everything went right and according to plan. Now think about anything you could have possibly done to make that day even better, essentially to the point that I'm asking you to imagine a realistic idea of heaven that you could dream of experiencing. Do it now.

.....

How was it? What would you do on that day?

....Did it involve sitting in a bathrobe that smells of tobacco, drinking a bottle of Sailor Jerry rum on the couch by yourself while watching a marathon of every single Star Wars movie? No? What the fuck is wrong with you?

The American dream is fully embodied in me right now, and I know this because Harrison Ford just nodded on screen about four seconds after I finished typing that last bit. I'm pretty sure it's not the rum talking and making me imagine that yet, because I haven't had quite enough for that to happen and I know this because I haven't nearly burnt down the house while trying to make macaroni and cheese yet today (I'll explain the back story for this one later).

Speaking of Star Wars, what the fuck is going on with the lightsaber battles in the original trilogy? Why are they struggling so much to swing those damn things around??? THE BLADE IS MADE OF LIGHT, it's a laser beam! And they're using two hands to hold those things, they should be able to swing those things around like dinner forks. I'm calling bullshit, George Lucas.

James Earl Jones is boss.

You've made a terrible mistake

Well, this is the first post of my new blog, so it's probably only appropriate that I give you a small introduction of who I am. I live in Pittsburgh and you can call me Stamer, although such titles as The Man, The Myth, The Legend, or Neil Diamond would also be acceptable.

How you got to this blog, I'm not sure (I'm no scientist or nothing like that), but let be tell you right now that you probably will not enjoy it, in fact I can probably guarantee it. This will mostly be about the things I do throughout my life and will probably do nothing other than lead you to believe that I'm at least somewhat insane, or an alcoholic, morbidly obese, homeless, a complete idiot or any or all combination of these things. Other non-interesting posts will involve the random shit I think about while doing my favorite activities (often involving absolutely nothing), and everyone's favorite, the absurd dreams that I seem to have far too often, of which you're sure to become very familiar with if you choose the awful idea to keep reading on a regular basis.

Thanks and congratulations for getting this far....

Big Gulps huh? Welp, see ya later!