It's gonna be a great damn day

Now listen carefully, and as soon as I say when I want you to do exactly the following:

Close your eyes and fold your hands together. Think about the last day you had that was as close to perfect as you've ever had, a day where everything went right and according to plan. Now think about anything you could have possibly done to make that day even better, essentially to the point that I'm asking you to imagine a realistic idea of heaven that you could dream of experiencing. Do it now.

.....

How was it? What would you do on that day?

....Did it involve sitting in a bathrobe that smells of tobacco, drinking a bottle of Sailor Jerry rum on the couch by yourself while watching a marathon of every single Star Wars movie? No? What the fuck is wrong with you?

The American dream is fully embodied in me right now, and I know this because Harrison Ford just nodded on screen about four seconds after I finished typing that last bit. I'm pretty sure it's not the rum talking and making me imagine that yet, because I haven't had quite enough for that to happen and I know this because I haven't nearly burnt down the house while trying to make macaroni and cheese yet today (I'll explain the back story for this one later).

Speaking of Star Wars, what the fuck is going on with the lightsaber battles in the original trilogy? Why are they struggling so much to swing those damn things around??? THE BLADE IS MADE OF LIGHT, it's a laser beam! And they're using two hands to hold those things, they should be able to swing those things around like dinner forks. I'm calling bullshit, George Lucas.

James Earl Jones is boss.