Christians, the second coming has occurred. Jews, your Messiah has finally arrived.

I want you to take a good, long look at this man.

This is Nick Nolte, and it's about damn time everyone starts appreciating how badass this motherfucker is. You ever heard of Cape Fear? Badass movie, I don't give a damn that it was a remake from the Gregory Peck version (who is also badass), if you haven't seen it yet then go see it right now, I don't care how you do it, just get that shit done.

Now, let me just say that I personally have experience in knowing the awesomeness of this man; last summer I was an extra in the soon to be Oscar winning film called Warrior, which I'm sure will gross at LEAST 600 billion dollars. Mr. Nolte does it all, he's drunk in public all the damn time to the point that he needs to ask people he's never met for buckets just to withhold the possible puke he may soon produce, he hits on women young enough to be his granddaughter with a magnificent display of complete indifference, and he wears a damn fine yellow jacket.

Some may point to the fact that he's been arrested for drunk driving as a reason that he's not that good of a guy, and certainly not a holy being of any sort. Well, to that I say, let he who hath never sinned cast the first stone. Everyone makes mistakes. Even Jesus didn't get everything right Himself... during a dinner party he turned water into wine. Fuck that, he should've turned that shit into Pabst Blue Ribbon!

If anyone needs any further proof of how awesome Nick Nolte is, look no further than the DUI report that he was charged with. Tests that he took afterwards said that he was under the influence of date rape drugs at the time, to which he responded that he "has been taking it for four years and never been raped." Warrior. Champion. Nolte.